Sunday, December 31, 2006

how it all ends

Today ends yet another year, finally, I guess. It's been a long year, as to some extent they all are, and full of ups and downs, again as they all are. This being a Sunday, we went to church today and the pastor spoke about thanksgiving, and to that end I feel the need to mention that I absolutely haven't fallen sick at all this year. The ocassional headache, but never one that lasted more than three hours or even required me to swallow pills for it to go away. I guess that's Providence for you, so I want to say thank you to the Big Guy.

Im not the kind of person that makes resolutions, but I have a general ambition towards which I like to think I work everyday, even if subconciously - to be rich, filthy rich! That said, I don't really have guidlines against which I can measure how I live, but here's my take: If at the end of the year Im still alive, I haven't been kicked out by my parents, I haven't flunked any papers in school and I haven't made any enemies of previous friends then it's been a good year. This year was an extremely good year. I made a couple of new friends [and surprise some are actually guys], very good friends; I passed all my papers and Im still the apple of the parents' eyes; I took on a few contracts that cost me like two weeks worth of sleepless nights then got bailed on by the contractees meaning I didn't get paid for all that work :( and thereby learnt a few things about broken expectations and the corporate world. Like they say, the lessons we learn from pain are the ones the make us the strongest. I believe I've grown plenty stronger.

I've also learnt a thing or two about pride. There was this friend of mine, she and I were really tight - we kinda just hit it off when we met coz I've known her for just about two years, and somehow over this last year we'd lost touch of each other coz I moved to a different town and was too proud to call when I thought I was being snobbed. Anyways, long story short I ate humble pie, called and now we're speaking again. It was a very good feeling, and I'd just like to say that if the only thing standing between someone and their friend is pride they really ought to get their act together - it's not worth losing a friend over coz in the end you end up carrying all this guilt and can't stop thinking what could have been when it was still in your hands to make things right.

And so here I am looking forward to another bright year, as I do at the beginning of every year. All those bad things that happened to me over the last one, I wouldn't give them back if I could, coz I believe they got me where I am today [OK, except a few, which I dare not mention]. If this year doesn't go like clockwork, then Im sure I'll end up having learnt more valuable lessons, so I'll still be grateful for it. In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ concerning you, says the Good Book.
END

Friday, December 15, 2006

all is a game

So I was recently listening to Peyton's podcasts [ya I know, its taken me this long to get with the program. But that's ok given where Im from, coz I live in a country where there are people who haven't even heard of iPods, let alone podcasts :)] and she talked about this Nada Surf album: The weight is a gift. The stuff she said I thought was pretty deep so I went looking for it. And I got it [God bless that kid who created bittorrent BTW] and I listened to it and I totally agree with her, it's a rocking album. Anyways, there's a song on there called "Always love" that talks about basically never hating anyone, no matter what they've done to you. Nada Surf say "To make a mountain of your life is just a choice... Always love, hate will get you every time... Even when you want to fight... It helps to write it down, even when you then cross it out..." and Im thinking what! Had to actually do some research to confirm that none of them had any shrink backgrounds or anything, coz I found that song pretty deep. Anyways, I've never really been one of those people who are big on grudges so I liked the song more for my friends than myself. Im your average run-of-the-mill happy guy is who I am.

But I digress - more importantly, there was another song on there that struck me. It's called All is a game, and to me it sounded like about living life to the full, you know. When you're thinking that the weight of your life is too much for you, it's all a game and the last thing anyone of us wants is when it's over to look back and realize we didn't play back when we had the chance to. So currently Im on holidays for four months and Ive been obsessing about getting an internship or a job somewhere so I can make a quick buck, but now, none of that. Im just gonna go ahead and make the most of right now, of today. And if tomorrow I get called in for a job somewhere I'll of course go with open arms, but even if I dont get one, it's still going to be fine. [Good thing I collected a few TV series on DVD to keep me busy just in case. I dont know, maybe it was foresight.] All the same, right now Im going to start doing things I enjoy doing, and keep doing them till the holidays are over if I have to. After all, it really all is just a game. And when stuff starts to go haywire, I'll just remember that the weight is really a gift. If it doesn't kill me - and it won't - it'll make me stronger.
END