boulevard of broken dreams

I got turned down recently at a job interview. I assume so coz they didn't get back to me like they said they would. But that wasn't my last hope so I'm still ploughing on as I know best. This is about the third time that's happened to me so far, and it's really been eye opening, I like to think. I'd like to believe that I'm learning new things every day from all these missteps. Coz otherwise then it will all have been for nothing, and that is not a particularly awe-inspiring prospect. We learn from failure I guess that the world doesn't begin and end with us. We learn that life doesn't stop. We learn that when one door closes, if we look carefully we'll find that another one opened. And most importantly we learn to believe in a higher power, coz it would appear that we did everything we could and somehow still didn't make it. That our best wasn't good enough. It's supposed to teach us perseverance. If it doesn't kill us it's supposed to make us stronger. It's supposed to stretch our limits, and make us discover heights we can reach we didn't think possible. And when we finally do succeed, and find that the success is even greater coming at the time it did rather than earlier on, it's supposed to show us in hindsight that all things really do work together for good for those that love Him.

Failure tests our faith. Our resolve. How badly do you want something? You never really realise that until fate tells you you can't have it. Then you get to find out just how far you'll go to get it. You also get to find out that it's never all going to be in your hands. You'll always have to leave something - however small - to chance. I was watching Prison Break way back when, and Scoffield said something I found interesting - preparation can only get you so far, then you have to take some leaps of faith. And this was a guy who didn't even empty the trash without it being some part of a grand plan! If because we failed once we become afraid to try again, to take a chance on life, then we shall truly have failed. Otherwise it's all education, not failure per se. I find that success isn't about never falling. It's about rising up one time more than however many times you fall. It's starting from scratch and keeping on scratching. "...If you can make a heap of all your winnings/And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss/And lose, and start again at your beginnings/And never breathe a word about your loss/..." goes that Rudyard Kipling poem.

The older I get, the more I realize that dreams don't always come true. Occasionally dreams get replaced by even greater ones. And at other times they just die. And it's all ok. That is as it should be. One does not always become less of a person for letting go. One isn't less worthy for changing course. If we always got everything we asked for when we asked for it, I think we'd become ungrateful. We'd start to take things for granted. Sometimes loss teaches us to value things more. You try and you fail and you try and you fail so that when you finally do succeed, you can truly appreciate the grandeur of it all. You can take a step back and take stock of all your efforts and treasure your achievements.

Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can touch you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you, and you have all these plans. Big plans. To become this successful person. To find your perfect match, the one that completes you. To write the great novel. To invent something new. But as you get older you realise it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realise the plans you made were simply plans. At the end, when you're looking back instead of forward, you simply wanna believe that you made the most of what life gave you. You wanna believe that you're leaving something good behind. A legacy. You want it all to have mattered.

END