a rush of blood to the head

So it's been a pretty long week. Actually a long month, coz this is the first month I've spent working. Like ever! I never did any of that internship thing when I was in uni, I just used to bum all holiday long. It's a new experience, like being thrown into the deep end (that would actually also be a new one for me literally - don't know how to swim :). But yesterday I did something good. I bought something big for my new house. It's not new really, I've kinda been living there for about a month already, but I haven't gotten anything at all, except for the bed which I really did need. Anyway, the big thing. It's not really big, it's just a coffee maker. I decided on that one coz Im an absolute lover of coffee, I think they're really cool and convenient, and it's something I've always wanted. But mostly it was that I could afford it at the time -:). Im a guy who likes symbolism to some extent, and so to break it in and mark the day all I had was coffee. Breakfast, lunch and supper. Ok, not lunch coz I was out for that one, but definitely the other two. And its been great. Now I want a TV and a Playstation. (What's that? Im too old? No Im not. Leave me alone!)

The first time I paid rent was depressing. I can totally see now how it is our parents got so old so fast! Growing up the way I did, one never realises this day is going to come. I was a pretty sheltered kid, add that to the fact that I grew up upcountry and you have yourself naivette at its best. We weren't really rich, but we comfortable, Id say, and I got most of what I wanted (except for a certain mountain bike that has eluded me to this day..:( ). And so you tend to learn to not care where stuff comes from. All you know is if you want it it can be found. The stories about hungry kids in Sudan don't really impact us the way they do white people coz we're so close to it all. It's that case of familiarity breeding contempt, I guess. Of course as a kid you don't really think like that anyway, these are things that just cross my mind in hindsight. When I try and think about how different I probably would be if I'd grown up having to hustle for myself. Or if I'd ever been in the middle of a live strike (can you believe I've still never seen one??!) and had to escape the scene.

Im not complaining by the way. I loved my childhood. And I think my parents did make me who I am today, together with Starch of course, no one goes to that school and chucks without being changed in some way! It's just that now that I have to get all my own stuff and pay all my own bills it's a little new. There's no lifeline at the other end of the phone to bail me out. (ok, there is, but who're we kidding?) But there's a sense of achievement, I find, that comes with being able to call something mine. It's refreshing, like a breath of fresh air, knowing deep down inside that my life is now my own. Coz it is. I answer to no one but myself. If you don't count my boss that is - all 60 of them [and they say it's a flat structure. What!!]. Ok, not really 60, but still.

Coz of this new-found freedom Im learning all the fundamentals. How to be fiscally responsible. Savings. Investing. Budgeting. Even the word "mortgage" keeps coming up. It gets overwhelming at times, but truth be told I've never had so much cash in my life, and so I really do need to learn these things, at the very least to keep me from bouncing off the walls after payday. Everytime I get a chance now that I live close to a megastore I go window shopping and there is ALOT of stuff to buy out there. You can never not find something, even things you weren't looking for. Or things you have no idea when you'll ever need to use. Discipline is hard. But necessary. And it starts now, with me admonishing myself over that skateboard I bought. Oh, wait, had I not mentioned that? Ya. The coffee maker Im proud of. The skateboard, maybe not so much...

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