the best years of our lives

Ten years isn't such a short time when thought of in absolute terms, but at the end of the 10th one, when you look back, it seems not a day over 15 minutes, doesn't it? That's where I'm at today. It's been full of ups and downs, successes and failures, it's been a journey of self discovery, false starts - like my first real relationship - and more grounded ones - like my first job, at which I "kick a$$", their words. Pleasant new experiences, like living on my own, and not-so-pleasant ones, like my little brother's frequent ambivalent spells. Loss of loved ones, one of my oldest friends' mother and grandmother, and new babies, another of my current friends. I've taken it all with arms wide open, and every time I fell I've come back a stronger person. And more, what's more than this, I did it my way. It's been the most significant 10 years of my life, because I went in a boy, and I came out a man (OK, I'm sure everyone says that about their 20's :).

In 2002 I saw what a nation united can achieve. I saw a man broken by the jubilant mood of the country as he was disbundled from his office - something that bespoke his legacy. I heard people talk about inflation and monetary policy at the local joint like it was a term they'd grown up with, whereas in fact they'd only just read about it in the pundits' reports last week. That was hope. It was togetherness, belonging, ownership of the country by its citizens. It was breath-taking! In 2007, the story was different. I saw the depths to which humans can degenerate, and why our thoughts are the only thing that sets us apart from animals. I saw sins of the father get visited upon the child, someone else's innocent child. I saw country rip itself apart at the seams, and not even stop to reconsider what it was doing. That animal nature, that was scary. Scary in the sense that it wasn't isolated, and it wasn't provoked, and it didn't even look like it was designed to achieve anything, it was just mindless killing. Almost the kind they call ethnic cleansing. It was not fun to watch.

Speaking of things watchable, in 2003 Mark Schwahn made a show, then little-known, called One Tree Hill, and it changed my life! I kid you not. You know when they say children learn what they see? Ya, I used to watch Tree Hill. It was so different from all those other teen dramas of the day, akina Beverly Hills and Dawson's Creek and The OC. This one actually made sense. It was about dreams, and ambitions, and family, and art, and love. The people faced real issues and the actors portrayed their characters realistically. And the music, OMG the music! I was already a rock fan by that time (I still remember the songs that changed me: Creed's Arms Wide Open and Nickelback's How You Remind Me) but the music I found as a result of that show, O.M.G. I can still hear it in my head, at the end of that pilot episode when Luke beat Nathan and that Saliva song broke out "Would you find it in your heart/To make this go away/And let me rest in pieces..." That was the moment I knew for sure that I'd found a winner. Man, I can't even start to list the things I've learned because of that show - Peyton's love of indie rock and Lucas' reading habits and those voiceovers. At the time when everyone was all about 24 me I was all Tree Hill. Those days like 70% of my week used to be spent watching TV, so when I say Tree Hill is the show I'll be watching 75% of the time, I mean it was literally my life. It's not still my life, but I still love it. (so now you know where I got the idea for naming blog posts after songs and albums - that's how they name their episodes)

In 2008 I graduated from uni(!) Come August, I'd just been through the sixth interview, which was the last stage before they either hire you or let you go. It had been a long journey, from that happy-go-lucky uni student who knew nothing about his endgame (in Jan :) to here, actually being one of the fore-runners. They'd told us they'd let us know in 2 days, 3 max. So this was the third day, and I could not get any more anxious. It was all over. Public opinion was that if you succeeded they called you and regrets were sent over email after they'd called everyone they wanted. I couldn't stop staring at the phone, partly because I hadn't really applied many other places, but also because I'd now gotten so invested that I really wanted this job. I remember even walking all around Kile to take the edge off. It took me all of 2 hours, and now it's 2.45 and still nothing. My heart pounding, trying to look calm so no one in the house starts hugging me and empathising when I don't get it, I went and sat outside. And sat. And sat. And sat. It was just 25 minutes, but man! And then the phone rang.

When I woke up at the beginning of the 00's, I was a disgruntled student getting ready to go back to school. It was Starch, which is pretty much as good as it gets for any high school boy, but believe me when I tell you NO ONE ever counts their blessings in the moment. See asides from every other extraordinary thing that school does, they open on the Saturday before the week all other schools open, which basically meant the next day after New Year's. But, I went, and I kept going through the rest of the 3 years and then the next four and here I finally am. Supposedly enjoying the fruits of a childhood well lived. Back then I used to have this halcyon image of the world where everyone got everything they asked for and bosses and parents never made you do anything you didn't want to do, or when they offended you they came and apologised, where open-door policy really meant you could walk in at any time, and where a boy saw a girl across the room, their eyes met, and two weeks later they lived happily ever after. But now, now I've learnt. I know now that it doesn't work that way. I know now that people are more often irrational than rational. I know now that to get something from someone you have to more than just ask, you have to ask in a language they understand, even if speaking it goes against the very grain you're made of. I know now that exemplariness does not always get rewarded, and hard work is not all it takes to excel. I know enough to not always do unto others as I would have them do unto me; their tastes may not be the same. It's been a long ten years. The people in my life have come and gone, and I've moved around. But in hindsight, doesn't seem a day over 15 minutes. And it'll be 10 more before I can blink. So the best thing I've learnt so far, there's no hereafter. These are the best years of our lives, and in life, the journey is the destination.

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