ashes of dreams you let die

So I hadn't mentioned it, but I finally got to go home over Easter. It was so much fun. Plus that pseudo-sister of ours who moved to Dubai came back. Didn't bring me a Nano(TM) like we'd spoken about but I'm sure I'll live. My parents seemed very pleased to see me, even tho we're constantly meeting here when they're in town, so naturally the big admonitions began, after all the welcome home's were over. Why don't I come more often? How much do I know about our stuff, and our family's possessions? If anything were to happen to them today do I know I'd have to take over things? (God forbid!) The answer was silent, pensive thought on every count.

Then the story gradually segued to childhood, and how we all grew up. Can I just say at this point that if your parents didn't do anything catastrophic to you like kick you out when you were 12 or refuse to lipa school for you then you need to respect them, and approach them with reverence. You know us kids never get to find out how much our parents give up just so they can bring us up and enable us live the kind of life we want to. And it's not just that freedom of ati now they have kids so they can't just up and move to Egypt, no. I'm talking about actual dreams and ambitions. See once they get us then it stops being just about them. They have to ensure a certain measure of security is maintained at all times. They've got more than just themselves to answer for and they can't afford to take certain risks any more. They now have to take better care of themselves, because they owe it to us to be around for as long as we need them. They have to start thinking about where they want us to go, and start laying down foundations that'll help get us there. Sometimes they might even have to change their friends (this nice lady said something very interesting to the parents in church the other week-that if they want to "...make sure your kids have good friends? Have some good friends yourself, and then let your kids play with their kids.")

This is what I've gathered from talking to mine. My mom once wanted to be a writer. She was already very good at the languages, and she'd already done literature and stuff at A-levels. My father wanted to be an electrical engineer. He's also pretty good at music and instruments and had a 'fro like The Supremes back in the '80s. Those life paths couldn't be further from what they do now. I don't think we were entirely the cause for that, there were other contributory factors too, and I'm not saying they're not happy or satisfied with the way things turned out, I'm just saying I realize now that parents do a lot more for us than just feed and clothe us. They make such selfless choices where we're concerned and don't even ask us to recognize. And then when we turn round and hate them for demanding more out of us, for wanting the best for us, they don't throw up their hands and say "Hey, at least I tried." they just keep on giving and keep on giving until we need no more.

So for the gift of life; for all the sacrifices made on our behalf; for all the bullets bitten coz of us, without complaint; for never giving up on us, and cheering us on even when no one else did;  for the late nights travelling so we could see you; for all the miracles made every Christmas; for all the lessons learned; for the people that we've become, here's a special shoutout to all the parents out there. Especially mine. You're an amazing group of people, and we children don't say that nearly enough. But we're getting better at it. Gratitude is one of those things that's a lot like beauty - it grows greater over time. As Tupac said it: ...There's no way I could pay you back/But my plan is to show you that I understand/You are appreciated...

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