It's said that the hardest thing a man will ever have to face is what might have been.
But I don't agree. It's one of two things: either the man's still very young and then he has time to change and create a new future; or he's at the end of his prime, and then there's a lot behind him he has already accomplished and can look back at and take pride in. It's really all a matter of perspective. That never-quitting attitude that recognises even when everything seems to be at an impasse that it could always get worse. And that we still have a lot to be thankful for if we only look.
It's been two years since that difficult month. That month when the hero of our household almost went out without a light. When my father finally after so many days started showing signs of improvement, I remember thinking wow, prayer really can come through against all odds. His body went back to normal, he started getting strong enough to do exercises and walk around, he started eating the same things we were eating at the same times we were eating. He started sometimes sleeping without that breathing tube. With other people it gradually stopped being the first question on the agenda. It was good times all around with the levites.
And then the rain fell. He got a mild strain of pneumonia, or the common flu or whatever. But all that progress got erased. He went back on the machine full time. We were taken back to almost the drawing board. Since then, it's never looked as up as it did those months so long ago. There have been mild ups and downs, keyword being mild. Other keyword downs. What you would expect is that if you try for something and you pray for it for two years and seemingly nothing changes, a lesser person would give up.
Not him.
I got a convicting message from him recently. That made me realise probably I'd given up to some extent. It was such a sobering moment. What right did I have to give up when the person who was actually going through the tribulation still held hope? When he still got up every morning and made plans for the future, who was I to abandon the fight and start moving on? And he's been such an amazing person through all this - all he's asking for is support. The feeling that whatever miles he has to run, we'll be there running them with him. As he keeps fighting that battle, swimming uphill at things we can all do in our sleep, things he used to be able to do in his sleep, we shall carry him when he can't walk. In exchange he's promising that when we can't walk, he'll carry us wherever he can. He still sees himself as our rock, even though really it's he who needs a rock. Even though his own life was usurped and turned upside down and thrown out with the bath water, he still has time to be concerned about how ours are going.
That's what a father does. He's there for his people, whether he can be or not. I realised a long time ago in hindsight that I'm very often watching and learning when things happen to me or around me. Without even realising. I hope through all this that I'm still watching and learning. One of these days I'll be that man, and then we'll find out.
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