party like a rockstar

I have found out something about myself today - I need to become a rockstar. I KNOW! Weird, especially for someone like me - coz that will involve so many things, like get voice surgery (does that exist?), but wait - Steven Tyler did pretty well for himself with that frog-like voice... so scratch voice surgery. I need to become a few shades lighter, learn how to dance(!!!), acquire stage presence (where do they sell that, anyone?), and most of all, LEARN GUITAR! For the longest time I've been telling myself Im gonna learn how to play the guitar. And I've never followed through. Guess that's my white unicorn. That and the Beamer, of course :) See I was at a rock concert earlier today. My very first one - live music at least. BOY! did those guys bring it! It was like, just when you think it can't get louder they drop a hit you know and then the guitarist gets on top of the amp and starts playing a riff like you haven't heard before, and then the lead singer jumps and the drummer comes down on them bad boys HARD! Then the bassist pauses for ever so long and it's all silent except for the keyboard, and then just when you heart rate's coming back to normal it all begins again. WOW! That, my friends, is power. The music was literally flowing through my veins, coz I think at some point I just totally got immersed in all of it and it's like I wasn't just listening through the ears any more. Granted, I have two left feet so I can't really do that whole jump up and prance about and shake my head thing, but I felt the music. I felt it like I don't think I ever have before. And funny story - Im not even a fan of Jars of Clay (that's who was playing). I just generally like rock and it sounded like it was going to happen. But now Im definitely a fan! Im diggin up all their old albums as soon as I get time!

That's a paradigm shift, if you ever heard of one. I love audit as much as you can love something that takes over your whole life and turns it into a mass of aching bones and ringing phones and alarms that never end, but I suspect that career is a tad less interesting than being a rockstar. I mean come on, planes, tour buses, screaming fans, groupies, free drinks, groupies, fast cars and hot houses, groupies... what's not to like? Anyway, I also dislike the loneliness, and I hear as a rockstar Im gonna be willing to even pay just to have some time on my own. And I can throw tantrums whenever the record label starts giving me grief about the I donno deadlines, and I can tell them where they can stick then go bang myself in the changing room and everyone will just leave me alone, then they'll come apologize later for working me up and talk to me kindly about the aforementioned deadline and ask me what time would be convenient for me. I mean, of course I signed a contract, but no one would dare remind me about that one at a time like that, coz I'd be the face of their outfit, and I'd let them know they need me more than I need them. I'd be drama queen number one - complete with the mascara and lip gloss.

And is it just me or are rockstars always throwing or attending parties! I don't like parties much myself, but I guess I could be convinced. What's the alternative - financial statements? Nah, I could definitely be convinced. It's like they get paid to be awesome, and to lead this awesome life us people just dream about. (all that and the stupid people go and OD on drugs, trynna achieve escape from that whole glamorous life of fortune and fame that's so hard to bear! wtf??) Well I want it all. I wanna be able to walk into a showroom and have the manager clamouring to let me drive one of his cars, as long as I let him tell people I drive it. "You won't even have to pay for it, just take a picture with me." I want to wake up on a Monday morning and load up the Xbox and play Halo 3. I want body guards to beat up all those a***s I'm constantly running into. I want fame. I want a label credit card with no limit. I want to be able to wear shades inside a building at night and still make people go "Hey, that's cool. Why haven't I ever tried that before?" And then when I've done all that I wanna launch my own line of cologne. Pour Homme, of course. Maybe star in a movie or two. And have a biography written about me. Definitely have a biography. Then retire to a cool no-frills life (well, in this country, at least) in politics, not using up any of the money I'll have amassed over the years, so the rest of my family never has to work again. I want all these things, and then some.

But, well tomorrow's Monday again. Im gonna be woken up by those incessant alarms, and Im gonna dress in those (pretty cool, actually) drab suits and go to my never-ending job, and Im still going to be grateful for it all. And the pipe dreams, well

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Ask me in about ten years.

END