freedom feels like lonely

So I finally got round to listening to an old Yellowcard song I've had for a while called Empty Apartment, and it's about a guy who got dumped but has never gotten over it, and so he's trynna find out if she shares the same feelings: "...How's your life, what's it like there/Is it all what you wanted it to be/Does it hurt when you think about me/And how broken my heart is...If ever you loved me you'd say it's ok/It's ok to be angry and never let go/It only gets harder the more that you know/..." And that song really touched me. I have no idea why, seeing as how I've never been through a break up tough or otherwise. I've never crashed and burned, I've never even been dissed; so I shouldn't know how all that stuff feels like, and I shouldn't care, right? And yet somehow I do. I wonder why. Could be that I read a lot, and I do BTW, thereby learning things w/o necessarily having experienced them myself. Or it could also be that all this time I've been a closet romantic and didn't know it. I think back and I notice the kinds of movies that jazzed me: Miss Congeniality, You've got mail, Bridget Jones' Diary, The Titanic, The Notebook(!), Legend of the Fall, The Wedding Planner, If Only, 10 Things I Hate About You, Coming to America. The artists I listen to: Trespassers William, Natalie Merchant, Aqualung, Dido, Five for Fighting, Gavin DeGraw, Tyler Hilton, James Blunt, Lifehouse, Michelle Featherstone, Emiliana Torrini. The TV shows I watch: The O.C., One Tree Hill, Felicity, Gilmore Girls, Dawson's Creek, Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives.

And Im thinking maybe I do have that void that I've always thought was for the wimps. Maybe all this time I've been lonely and instead of getting hitched up I've been choosing to see it on TV and read about it in books. I've always thought Im not wired for all that relationship stuff, but maybe I've just been supplementing subconciously and didn't realise it. I love the freedom that comes with being alone. Living for me and me alone. Not having to think about someone else all the time lest I be crucified for it. It's amazing, and I still don't think I want to give that up. But, if the eyes and ears really are the windows to the soul like they say, then isn't my soul full of all that mushy stuff? And what does that make me? I wonder.
END